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Oops I did it Again!!

Updated: Jan 10

Do you know that catchy phrase? I seem to not be able to contain myself when I see so much injustices in this world in 2020!! Each morning I am literally holding my breath, waiting to hear about yet another disaster, or something worst than the last thing. Do you feel like this too?

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Let me tell you something personal. I have PTSD! Yes, the cat is out of the bag. (by the way once you get to know me well, my English is sometimes made up. Stick around anyways). What most people do not know is that I am from Rwanda. In April of 1994 I experience a tragic loss of almost my entire family because of the Genocide that happened there. More to come on this topic.

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Fast forward April 2020 with COVID-19 lock downs, murders of Ahmed Aubrey, and George Floyd, and the rioting. It felt like I was in a war zone all over again. I lost my footing, I started to hyper-ventilate, I couldn't sleep, and I just got lost in the whirlwind of it all.

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I have gotten extremely good at hiding my trauma, but with the quarantine, closure of our business, and my husband losing his job of 15 years, I prayed to God " Lord, please help me to hold it together" What really threw me over the edge, was when I was in our basement with my children, and seeing our house shaking side to side...an EARTHQUAKE!! What?! In Idaho?!

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I started experiencing enormous amounts of fear. I started going down the rabbit hole of research and trying to understand the days we are living in so that perhaps nothing else catches me off guard. The deeper, I dug, the more I found myself more depressed and more amazed on how the world can be such a cruel place.

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I was not able to rely on my own abilities anymore. See, January 6th of 2020, I slide on a black sheet of ice, and fell and hit my head. Since then, I have been getting treatment for a mild brain injury. Leading to now, I have suffered a great deal of what comes with a concussion of this sort, but I still thought that I can rely on my planning, and survival skills. I quickly found out that I couldn't. Even though I knew that my brain's ability was not the same, over and over again, I found myself saying, "oops I did it again".

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So, what do you do when things are completely out of your control, the skill sets that were useful are no longer useful, and no one can really help you because you know...everyone is doing their best to survive. I finally remembered someone. Someone who has not left me nor forsaken me. Someone who loves me and who has been my GOOD SHEPHERD.

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Psalm 23 reads that He is my Shepherd and I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures, and He restores my soul. I loooove Psalm 23 that I memorized it. See, I had forgotten who I was, and whose I am. I had forgotten that Jesus takes care of me, and I must walk by faith not by sight

. At this point, I have no other choices that are viable to me, other than walking and trusting my GOOD SHEPHERD. Do you know Jesus? Would you like to know him?



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